How do you convince a woman to get out of an abusive relationship?

June 5, 2009 - 6:18 pm 12 Comments

This woman I know doesn't seem to get that she needs to remove herself completely from an abusive bf. I don't really know what to tell her. She just doesn't get it. Its like she is just love drunk. Her bf started hitting her and she said he was verbally abusive to her. Is there anything I can do to help her see some light? Maybe show her a movie as an example? Something?

No, She is submissive, and he is dominant. Her problem is that she has done things that made her bf angry. She has to convince the bf that he could become a wonderful man if he stopped being abusive. Perhaps if she respected him more and did more to please him, and stop telling her friend about what a bum he is, he would only have to use a small amount of verbal abuse to keep her in line.
The only movie I can think of is the story of O.

Be Sociable, Share!

12 Responses to “How do you convince a woman to get out of an abusive relationship?”

  1. adoptive mom Says:

    You might not be able to. Just be a friend, let her know you're there for her. Let her know you don't think she deserves this and that real men, good men, don't behave abusively towards women.
    References :

  2. indiansbearsandangels Says:

    You unfortunatly don't.

    Let her know your concerns and that she can lean on you….but it's her move…she will leave when she is ready…not a minute before.

    The truth sucks – but it's still the truth…
    References :

  3. Unmade Promises Says:

    the bad thing about women who are in situations such as you described and behave the way you've described is simply, alot of times, they have to be the ones who decide they want to leave. people in general are tropophobic, afraid of the unknown, which will lead a woman to stay in an abusive relationship years after she should have left simply because it's all she's ever known and as negative as that life may be, she's more comfortable with it because she knows what to expect than she would be with experiencing something new. the only thing i can tell you is to talk to her, don't try to force anything. just tell her you care about her welfare and you're concerned, and if you want movies, try googling, i'm sure there are lots. the lifetime channel and lifetime movie network have alot dealing with instances such as this. one i think is good is a movie i saw quite awhile back called 'Bastard Out of Carolina' it deals with a guy who is sexually abusive to his girlfriend's little girl though, and i cant remember much, so there may not be anything in that one to help you. i hope you find some help on getting through to her. also, check out this site… the poem is beautiful yet saddening.

    http://www.tufffemme.com/WomensCauses/flowers.html
    References :

  4. lucky611 Says:

    I have known people who have been in an abusive relationship and honestly there is nothing you can do for her except be there for her. She, herself has to make the decision whether to leave him or not. She may have him as an obsession and cannot let go, which then she will just stay in that relationship the rest of her life and gripe or complain to you of horrible it is.
    References :

  5. eh Says:

    Buy her one of the many self-help books available and pass it to her as a gift. Don't force her to read the book or say that the book is meant to highlight to her the abusive relationship, because the likelihood is that she will take on a defensive nature and probably throw the book away. Let her discover the contents of the book by herself.

    Besides that, there is nothing much you can do. I won't explain too much into the way the mind works. Just be there as a friend.

    However, if the abuse becomes serious (inflicting physical wounds) or life-threatening, you have every right to report this to the Police. This is HELPING your friend, NOT shaming her or anything like that.
    References :

  6. smmastiff Says:

    well if you want to have her over for a movie , the burning bed" is the one to see,
    She will leave him when she is ready , here is the thing that pisses me off , No one says anything to the abuser , Let him know you know what he is doing and that it is not right ,
    Go to him say John I am concerned about you; you seem to be under a lot of stress and you are taking it out on Sue . Tell him to get some counselling tel him you know he has hit her and you are sure he dose not mean it but you think he should see a counsellor to help him with his stress
    References :

  7. LordVader Says:

    Rebel, tell her to go with you….to sizzler with the all you can eat buffet
    References :

  8. upsucker Says:

    No, She is submissive, and he is dominant. Her problem is that she has done things that made her bf angry. She has to convince the bf that he could become a wonderful man if he stopped being abusive. Perhaps if she respected him more and did more to please him, and stop telling her friend about what a bum he is, he would only have to use a small amount of verbal abuse to keep her in line.
    The only movie I can think of is the story of O.
    References :
    As for her leaving him, and taking up with you because you are nice to her, no way that's gonna happen.

  9. Applered24 Says:

    A best friend of mines is in a relationship that is both physically and emotionally abusive and she has been involved for about 6yrs. now. I had to come to grips that there is basically nothing that I can do but be there as her support system. But even that is difficult because for one it is so hard to sit back and watch and I constantly want to smack her and tell her to wake up. And of course I want to get someone to beat him down. I have tried numerous times in the past to help her but as a result she pulled further away from me. He managed to keep her from family and friends. I am the only friend that she has left. He is a horrible and selfish B**. They have a child together who is my goddaughter. He never does anything to her but emotionally she will be damaged from being around so much drama. It breaks my heart and I feel bad about it all the time. But I realized that you can't help someone until they really want the help. So just be a strong friend as she will need your help, and keep her in your prayers. Sorry for such a long response but this question just made me think of my friend. I hope everything works out for the best.
    References :

  10. Leanne M Says:

    unfortunately there isn't anything you can do but be there and be her friend, (well short of taking her away for a couple of weeks and let her see what life should be like.. .even then it probably wont work)..

    One of my best friends was in a very very abusive relationship for over 7 years, it broke my heart, and no matter what we said or did she wouldn't leave him.. it was always "it wont happen again… he loves me.. it was an accident.. it was my fault… he doesn't mean it…. he had a really bad day at work… he said he was sorry, i know he means it this time.. " she would come over with a black eye, with HIS RING PRINT in it.. we would call the police, she would refuse to press charges, we actually went after him with a knife, that did stop him for about 6 months, and we thought things had changed… then it started again.
    he abused her while she was pregnant, she had the baby, (thankfully we were able to stop the wedding… we all just kept showing up and "giving just cause" … he abused her after the baby… the day he hit the baby she woke up and left him….

    alot of times it takes something very very very drastic for them to realise what is going on, she is now married to a man who while he doesnt abuse her (her words.. i still say it is abuse) he cheats on her and doesnt overly hide it.. this is a big step up in her world…. but she still cant see what is happening.. i really hope she wakes up before he gives her or one of the babies some nasty disease… love makes people blind, it really does,

    Just be there for her, constantly reinforce that it isn't good, but be careful, if she thinks that you are being mean to the person she loves she may shut you out completely .. otherwise if you see marks, depending on where you live, some states will let you press charges as long as there is enough proof.
    References :

  11. natasha Says:

    Hi there
    This is a very frustrating situation for you as you are on the outside and can clearly see the problem. Unfortunately in these situations the women loses much of her self esteem believing she is unworthy and that nobody else would want her. Also another unfortunate factor for women in this situation are not in a financial position to just up and off and generally lack confidence. The best thing you can do is to let her know that you are there to support her and reassure her that you are prepared to help when she makes the decision to leave on her own accord. This is a decision she can only make for herself and the best thing for her is knowing that you don't judge her and that your support is there when she is ready. Good Luck
    References :

  12. shelia Says:

    i am at a loss here my 21 yr old has been with this guy he has verbly abused her and he has hit her once that i no of now she is pregant . i want to go abuse him for hurting my baby what can i do to make her see he is a horrible person and she should not bring this baby into the world with him in her life

Leave a Reply